Harry Potter And The Philosipher's Stone || Hillarious Book Parody ;)
Harry Potter and the Philosipher's Stone but it's cursed. Find out Harry Potter's crappy life from his mind that's always negative. ~ WARNING: ~ MUCH SWEARING INCUDED. Do Not read if uncomfortable about swearing. Otherwise, enjoy and laugh, i hope u like it and pls message me if u want more or any questions needed!!! so enjoy <3 • - • Hey, I'm Harry. Or whatever those bitches call me. Like Hairy. U know what, yes, I'm Hairy Porter and welcome 2 my stupid life. It's as shitty as it gets. First of all, my parents died in a freaking car crash, so that's all my backstory. Yet, now I'm living with my damn Uncle and his stick wife and fucking son of a cow, Dudley. What a great life, yes I know, amazing. Once, diddikins threw all my clothes in the damn bin, so what did it do? Punch him of course. Right in that freaking fat stomach of his. Yet, now I sit in the cupboard under the stairs...
Chapter 1 ~ The boy who GOT CHUCKED ONTO A FUCKING DOORSTEP
Albus Middle-name Other-middle-name Fucking Dumbledore stormed down a muggle road, so very calmy. He ruffled his coat piled with shit and pulled out a cigarette. Shouldve known this bloke was a smoker. He got a fucking beard tied up with a hair tie!!
The dude clicked it AND THE WHOLE TOWN BURNT TO CRISPS *eh-hem Jk, The nearest street lamp went out with a little pop AND EXPLODED!! KAPOW! CHAZAM!!! BALOOMBA DOOMBA! uh, soz.
So dumby-door skipped off down the street toward number four, where he sat down on the wall next to a cat, legs folded, humming 'bad guy'
"Fancy seeing you here, Professor McDonalds." He turned to smile at the pussy, but it had gone. Instead he was smiling at a rather -looking woman who was wearing square glasses exactly the shape of shit. She looked distinctly annoying and ugly.
"How did u know it was me?” Maccas asked.
"Dear Maccas, why i have never smelt a cat like u before," Dumbdoor smirked.
"how fucking dare u say that, alboos. Just beacaue i smell like nuggets-"
"HA! Confessed. Now, can we get on with it? We have a bby 2 be chucked onto a door step," DumbDoor said. Then, a rumbled caught their attention, indeed, it was Maccas fart but really, a giant just crashed into the letter box on a flying motor bike. Dont worry, not stolen, just temopary borrored ;) AND NO ONE HEARD THE FUCKING SOUND. OMG U MUGGLES, SON OF A-
"sorry bout dat" Giant growled and grabbed a baby out of his pocked. He threw it at the door step. It tumbled over, still asleep.
"better done then said," Giant said and was about to walk away.
"there, there, Hagreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed, u 4got 2 cry, thats a big part," Dumb Door got angry and his face lit with fire.
However, Giants face covered in tears, he did as said, crying. But maccas and a dumb door got flooded.
"FUCK U HAGRID! WE'RE DYING HERE!!"
"U TOLD ME TO CRY
Mean while, bby boy Harry, sleeps (HOW THE FUCK-) and his scar bleeds, descending pain through my heart :D